Growing up

It's always bittersweet to see the updates of my high school friends on Facebook. It's so interesting to see where old friends are, where they are in their lives. And at the same time, I see where they are in their lives (getting married, in grad school) and it's making me realize how little I've done since graduating. It's now been 2 years and I haven't changed that much since coming out of Wellesley. The highlight was the Deerfield fellowship, and now I'm still at my same job for 2 years. Which isn't bad. It's great for stability and I wouldn't want that taken away from me. Yet, I guess I'm feeling remorse that I don't have something more to show - like being in a committed relationship, or working towards a degree, or building a home, or something like that. And then another part of me realizes that I'm still 24 years old - I'm still in my early 20s (barely) - and this is the time to dwaddle if there ever is a time. How grown up do I want to be? All the grown up responsibilities I'm dealing with - paying bills, loans, worrying about car insurance - is as much responsibility I can handle. Do I need more? But maybe it's not necessarily "growing up" I'm unsatisfied with, perhaps it's more of a life change - or evolution - I'm looking for. That's probably the better term. I feel I'm still in a rut. And while I don't necessarily need to be a grown up to alter that, I do want to move on to my next phase in life, whatever that may be. (Pole dancer?)