Tragedy

Yesterday DCW announced on Community that Jennie H. Lee '07 was found dead in her room in Stone-D late morning. I was shocked and shaken with grief when I heard that another life was lost on this campus. Another member of the Class of 2007. Another tragedy on Spring Weekend.

There hasn't been official news on the cause, although foul play was quickly ruled out, but it seems to be implied that she committed suicide. This comes too close to Katie Palmer's death in 2004. Others are pointing to mental illness. Whatever it is, it's such a tragedy for the family and friends of Jennie. She seems to have been a bright young women who touched a lot of people on campus. She was apparently a member of WIVCF, which makes her death harder to understand. Was she depressed? Was she suffering from bipolar, which someone implied?

Another death. Another loss. I'm so sorry, Jennie, that we as a community couldn't help you in whatever way you needed.
Lord, please take care of her and her family.

Rugby blues

I just came back from what may have been my worst rugby day. Sigh. Our team has been in an unfortunate downward spiral since sophomore year and it's just taken a nose-dive. I wish I knew what it was like to be on a winning team for once. Well, not for once because there have been good seasons, but all of that seems so far away when I have days like today. We had a Seven Sisters tournament at Smith. Not all the sisters showed up, but we did have substitutions - Brown??

Anyways, we get whalloped in our first game against Smith. They weren't necessarily bigger, but they were connecting better, especially their backs. OK, so I don't really like harping (publically) about my own teammates, but today deserves it. Our back line is for shit right now. I realize we have a lot of rookies and there's just a lot of inexperience. Still, I'd like to get through a game where not every one of the opposition's tries are made by breaking through the back line. There's no defense, they can't connect with one another, and it's pitiful. There are some especially terrible players in our back line - sorry, but I've got to admit. Sure, we can't have a full back line of EJ, but it's embarrassing when my teammates are rubbing against the other players rather than try to make an actual tackle.
But that doesn't mean the forwards are spectacular - far from it. Give me a pair of second rows who actually try, please. Hell, just give me one and I'll be the other one. It's true, the impact and the intensity of our rucks/mauls/scrums should be coming from the locks. I wish I could provide more.
OK, enough of this harping. I'm tired of always losing and being pissed at my team. Something dramatic needs to happen, and it needs to happen now. I'm not saying I'm going to quit the game - because I think that's just a lame thing to do - but something big needs to occur.

I'm tired, but I'm going to go to Tower to watch Mulan with G and her sister. Meeting her siblings yesterday was hilarious, nerve-racking, but still fun. I wish I hadn't been in such an awkward situation where I was being showcased. Another time, I hope. They seem like a fun bunch.

Currently listening to: "Forever" by Vertical Horizons

Currently procrastinating from: showering. I's a dirrrrty person.

"You love me, you really love me!"

I had a great Sally Field moment today when I realized I'm not a complete bum and people actually think highly of me. Well, enough that I'm offered two summer fellowship positions and a summer job on Nantucket. So I'm not a complete waste of space and failure. Good. This does wonders to my self-esteem.

So yes, I got accepted into the Historic Deerfield Summer Fellowship today! Heard back via email (after sitting by the phone all day) right before I went to the Balkin lecture. I've got to admit though, while I was pleasantly surprised by the acceptance, I wasn't completely shocked. I knew I had a pretty good chance (50/50) but also I knew my credentials were pretty good. This may be pretty ass-shitty arrogant of me, but whatevs, I did think I was highly qualifed for it.
So now this means I've got to turn down the other fellowship, which I accepted on Thursday. Yeah, it probably wasn't the most ethical move to accept that position when I knew I would take the Deerfield position over it if I heard back I'd gotten in. But on my defense, I was backed into an unfortunate corner, and I was adviced by several people to go ahead and take the offer. While I'm glad I got into HD, I feel pretty shitty with what I'll be doing tomorrow (today) morning.

In other news, Happy 22nd Birthday to me! I can't believe I'm twenty-two already. I want to be the eternal 21 year-old.

Currently listening to: Goo Goo Dolls, "Name"

Currently procrastinating from: SLEEP. And some HIST 251 work.