I wish it were easier

So another loss. Why is it so hard to find a good guy? I meet this seemingly wonderful guy who could potentially be boyfriend-material, and who knows, maybe even The One. But no, he has a girlfriend, or at least I'm pretty sure of. Really though, it was an immediate attraction which I surprisingly didn't have with anyone else. And that's with me being around 20+ guys for 4 days straight. I don't know. I know I was only kidding myself thinking there was a possibility, but it was still fun to hype it up and think positively. However, I felt like shit this afternooon after I realized there wasn't a chance. Why can't I just land a good guy? Huh???
I don't mean to rant, it's just a worn out, emotional fatigue of a cycle I go through with every (non) potential S.O. I always manage to hype myself up thinking there's a chance, only to realize that there's really no possibility at all. I am a failure when it comes to meeting guys, I admit. I don't have the experience, nor the wherewithal. Lacking any real guy experience puts a serious dent in my potential. Sometimes I wish I were just a guy because it must be so much easier. You would have girls falling over you all the time, because no matter what, girls always want a relationship more. All guys have to do is give in to the possibility. And also guys would never over analyze every experience, moment, or glance. They just live it. Why can't I do that?

Accomplished!

I win at life! I got so much done in the last two days that it makes up for the other days where I slacked off. Cause that's how procrastination works and I am the queen of procrastination. In the past 2 days I have:

- gone to the RMV
- mailed out all FOUR of the packages
- acquired a bookcase
- went shopping at Target
- got auto insured in Massachusetts
- got my tire patched
- gone to the library
- succeeded in not starving myself

See - I am a winner. I have accomplished all of the above, plus stuff I don't remember. It doesn't matter that my trip to the RMV was unsuccessful because, um yeah, I didn't have the proper documentations and I wasn't going back to wait another hour in that strip mall. Or that I still have boxes to unpack. Or that I can't go driving without getting myself lost. (Ugh. I long for the day when I can get through a day without having to pull over and look at the map yet again. It's bordering on humiliation). Oh yeah, and I can't find my nail clipper so I have heinously long nails. Oh, the trauma.

But I'm sitting home on a Friday night because I am a poophead. I don't win at this part of my life. I am no longer interested in the Yankees-Red Sox game, I am tired from running around all day, and I am full. None of those have anything to do with each other, but that's just how I feel currently.

OK, I'm off to clip my nails and watch a movie. (the clipping of the nails will probably not get done. Neither will a shower tonight).

P.S. One of the 3 boys next door is apparently very attractive. I don't really know - he was just walking around shirtless and talking on the phone. Not much to report there.

That's it

That's it I'm done I'm through I'm tired of being screwed over. I've had it up to here (points to above head) with TF. I don't understand I don't get it I don't want to give a damn but I do. I've been brewing for over two weeks now and I want it to end. I don't know where I stand with TF. Apparently we aren't friends...? Apparently the past 4 years mean nothing? It's completely baffling with these folks but to be "phased" out like this is so shittingly-fucking annoying.
I should have known when Sherry tried to shush Dithy in front of me when talking about Becca coming up to visit. I should have known that Sherry not returning my call was a sign. I should have known that not rooming with Libby would be a bad thing. No, erase that - I should have known never to have agreed to look for a place with her in the first place. I should have known, I should have known, I should have known. But did I know? NO - Because i thought we were FUCKING FRIENDS. But I guess not and now I'm out and I want to be rid of them.

UUUUUUUGGGGHHH I am so frustrated with them. Words cannot express. I just want to rant rant rant. And scream and kick and pull out my hair. I want to be a 3-year old in a tantrum fit of rage.

FUCK YOU TF.